It’s not you anymore. I’m convinced
I know because I got blind drunk four nights ago and didn’t even think to call you.
I drunk texted a different boy with different eyes and a different smile and a different agenda and he’s different from you. So different and good and kind
I should love him, he is ten times the person you are
But why do I not feel ten times the fire for him that I felt for you?
I had a dream about you the other night and I don’t remember what it was about but I remember waking up scared and angry
I’m always scared and angry when it comes to you. You left me like that the night you told me you didn’t love me anymore
I still wonder if you ever did and I still wonder why you would lie if you didn’t
Why are you staying in my dreams and my late night thoughts months after we’ve ended when you couldn’t even stay when I needed you most?
You could have stayed but you didn’t. You wouldn’t.
You gave me the illusion that you wanted to
You were all lies.
I feel nothing
I am completely numb, I am empty, I feel like a blunt edge, I feel blurry
I need someone to need me. God, I just need a person
Being alone is sharp and painful
I wish it was raining so the sound of water beating against my window could keep me company
It’s silent except for the clicking noise of my ceiling fan
I just want someone to sleep next to me
I just want someone to want me
Why am I crying?